I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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