You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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