She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
