I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
