where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
