he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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