i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
