and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
