Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
