help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
do herpes really smell.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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