If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
