This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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