You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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