If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
should my penis look like a turkey
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Couch. On fire.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
