how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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