I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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