I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
