i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
