WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
