i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Congratulations! We have a period
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