he puts the penis in happiness.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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