She said her name was "party"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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