I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
