Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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