I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
