Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
