Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
