the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
