I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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