I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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