Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
