I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
