Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
