i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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