he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
