Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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