all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No subtext here. People are naked.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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