started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
