his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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