I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
