She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
they're like a gay fantastic four
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
