I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
