Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
