college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Holy shit dude........stairs
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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