I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
