Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.