yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?