Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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