I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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