I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
