her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
