her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
