ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
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I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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