THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
