he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The air was thick with penises
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
