I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
