This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
