I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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