His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What a dumb baby whore.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
