You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
