So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
