Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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