And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
