I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
