I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
