Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize